Myla Katzav

Parties in Israel, be it weddings, birthdays, bar/bat mitzvah or a celebration of the arrival of a baby is very typical and more: yummy food, lots and lots of people and fun. It can be grand with a reception area and high class table settings with live band and all night dancing to very informal ones like a bar mitzvah by the pool or a birthday celebration in the park or by the beach.  However, there is one practice that shocked the sockets out of my ears!!! In parties specially for weddings and bar/bat mitzvah, the celebrant/s or invitee/s expect the guests to give cash to cover their expenses on food.  Believe it or not, I have talked to many people about this and everyone gives me the same reply.  That yes, it is a common practice in Israel and that yes, you have to give the worth of a plate per guest.  Like in bar mitzvah, its common to give NIS350 or apporximately P3,500 as a gift while in weddings, its on a per plate basis.  The per plate costs "usually NIS350-NIS500" so if you come as a couple you should give between NIS700-NIS1000 which is around P7000 to P10000. 

And they do check….after the party, the celebrant/s would list all the guests who came or keep the cash envelops and see who gave appropriately.  There's a number of incidents relating to this that completely freaked me out.  For example, a wedding couple who learned that a friend gave them less than what they spent per plate, they usually either will give them the same amount when it is this friend's time to wed or will not attend at all.  And if the guest is a close family or friend, expect you will be told about your cheapness if you gave less than what was expected.

I can only talk for the few weddings, bar/bat mitzvahs, baby welcoming, birthdays I attended and so far, its all consistent.  Cash with a minimum requirement needed for you be totally appreciated by the invitee.  I havent attended any religious event so I cant tell if this custom goes the same. 

I also got to talk to some people about this practice and shared with them how it is done back in Asia particularly in the Philippines.  That when you invite someone, you don’t invite them to cover for your expenses, to cover for a dream that you cant afford.  You and your family share in the load and it stops there.  Of course, you expect some gifts but it can be in a form of cash or an item but it doesn’t matter whichever and what the value is.  Some would even give the cash proceeds to charity. And if you do not have the money to give or buy present, it doesn’t matter, you are welcome just the same. And it wouldn’t affect your future relationship with them or on how you will look at them after.  What we Pinoys look forward to, is an event to share our happiness and blessings to friends and family.  And it stops there..we don’t expect.  And I'm very, very proud of that.