Myla Katzav

When I gave birth to Ben, I didn’t visit him at the nursery right away. I was not as excited. I had one of those weird baby blues effect wherein the mother feels like staying away from her newborn.  Thank God it only lasted overnight.  Deep inside though, I knew he felt it and yet when I finally held him, all my weird feelings disappeared because of the peace he aroused in me.

From that day on, Ben has become my refuge.  Whenever I feel down and a bit sad, I go to him.  He has this calming effect on me probably because we went through a lot of things together and never gave up. 

Ben is understanding and patient.  Every night, after I read to them, I close the light and wait for him to sleep.  He sleeps on his own with his favorite pillows around and the pacifier.  Sometimes, when I get very, very sleepy, I do not wait for him to fall asleep and leave his room.  I know that he would cry for a few seconds and then would eventually fall asleep.  Last night, I went back to his room to put on his blanket too early and caught him sitting there in the dark touching his pillows and trying to fall asleep.  My heart went out to him…my understanding Ben.  He knew not to cry because Mommy is sleeping already.  I took him and put him close to my heart until he finally fell asleep.

During playtime, he lets Rachel take toys from him without complaining…probably he knows he doesn’t have a chance after all. When he starts to get bored or annoyed, he would run to me and start crying. When I am busy cooking, he does it only for a few seconds and then leave quietly to look for something else to play.  He never forces himself when he sees that person is busy. 

After he drinks his milk from the bottle, he would always put it on the table.  Sometimes….or should I say most of the time, he would do this to Rachel’s bottle as well. He also puts back the pieces of puzzles in the box that Rachel has played on.  He also puts his shoes back to its place after use.

Ben is very simple…he gets his highs from just getting a smile from his big sister.  He is very, very happy when she plays with him and hugs him.  They do this more often now.  But most especially, I feel his happiness when he is in my arms. 

I wish I can just hold Ben close to me forever.