Myla Katzav

When we made a decision to move to Israel, I knew I will be facing tremendous challenges for being simply different.  There would be conflicts from all corners of my life..from within myself and from the people surrounding me.  And that was what exactly happened.  My first 6 months were met with resistance: confusion on how to live life differently, desperation when I cant seem to find my way and anger on why I chose this path.  I felt like a child all over again, learning the basics..a child carrying another child within (Ben) and taking care of yet another one (Rachel). 

They say there is a cycle to change.  Its starts with resistance, anger, realization and then acceptance.  I went through all that and am very, very grateful that finally I have accepted.  However, little have I realized that the people around me would be going through something similar with much less effect from dealing with me. 

When one finds oneself in the opposite end of the pole, one has a choice of either crossing over and being a part of the regular stream or keep to one’s being and face the challenges head-on. Crossing over and becoming part of the main stream would mean an overhaul of who you are…”When in Rome, do as the Romans do”.  I think this only works for temporary stay or when you are a tourist.  But when you decide to carve a life in a new place, this wont really work unless you are ready to give up who you really are.

I chose and still choose to keep on my side of the pole.  I guess, with age and with the many experiences I went through and meeting amazing people along the way who never for once forgotten who they are, I never hesitated being myself.

So below are some realizations on how to live in a foreign place without giving yourself up:

1. Respect, respect, respect!  If you cant understand how people do things and why they do it then just respect them.  It will put a period to whatever confusion you are experiencing.

2. Never judge.  It is so easy to criticize and comment but this is a dangerous path because you dont know the person and vice versa and no matter what is the nature behind this, never say it because you will never know when you will need his/her help.

3. Accept things one day at a time: Do not force yourself to try to be positive or negative to people because you will never know what realizations will come your way once the moment is ripe for it.

4. Never attempt to change people.

5. Say No when you want to and Yes when you mean it.  Do not lie with your feelings and thoughts. In other words, do not pretend.

6. Never give up who you are: For as long as you do not hurt or cause utmost discomfort to people around you, stay strong.  When you do and people see this, in the end, they will realize your worth and this is the best way to get respect.

7. Never forget where you came from..because no matter where you go, whatever heights you reach…you will always, always look back and it will always, always give you strength.

8. Call your parents.  I get my daily doze of strength from talking to my Mom no matter how unimportant the issues are.  Knowing they are there, is enough to give me the confidence to lift up my head and face my days without fear.

Finally, I only have my husband to thank for.  He is my greatest source of strength and he is the one who taught me to stand strong and learn to say "No".  He tells me that our primary concern is God and our family's wellbeing ....that anything and anyone outside that circle can jump in the lake but we keep our values, we keep our faith and our trust in God.