Myla Katzav

Today I miss my girl friends.  I miss them all the time.  In fact, I miss them everyday.  But today, I let myself miss them all the way.  I let go. I let myself feel it until my heart cries out loud. It cries out for the many moments we spent together: for all the stories shared, the opening of feelings, the experiences we went through together, the sound of our laughter and the tears we wiped from each other’s cheeks.  It cries out louder for the moments that will never be shared, for the days and months and years passing without them around.  And the mystery of whether we will ever be able to be a big part of each other’s lives again.

Today I miss my girl friends.  I do not hesitate feeling it.  And it is bittersweet.  While tears fall down my cheeks, I let go of the hidden breaths that I have been holding for a long time. It somehow loosens my heart and it feels good at the same time.

Today I miss my girlfriends.  I let myself be weak.  For so long, ever since I said goodbye to them, I braced myself to be always strong and cut out whatever thoughts and feelings get into its way.  I am a mother, I need to be strong.  But not today.

Today I miss my girl friends.  I allow myself to be sad. It is very sad because they were the sisters I never had and although our bond will be as is no matter the distance, I crave to see their smiles, to feel them close to me, to hear their voices. I crave to be in their presence.

Today I miss my girlfriends and for the first time, I will allow myself to drown to the pits until I run out of strength and fall asleep because tomorrow, when the sun shines, a new day begins and I know, I shall miss them still but then I will be back to my old self…strong and positive.

My little girl comes in the room asking me to carry her.  I look at her and I smile…here is my best girl friend and I dont need the sun shine to perk me up afterall…all I need is her.