On the few mornings that I woke up before the sun rose, I cant help but be amazed by the morning star. Even as the sun light starts breaking into the darkness and slowly lights up the sky, it twinkles brightly just as much. I stare at it for a moment, reflecting. To me, the morning star is about brilliance, resillience, bravery and at the same time oddness, loneliness even desperation. It seems odd to be still out there when all the lights of the night sky and the darkness have faded. How lonely must it feel and as much as it continues to twinkle, the sun, the greatest source of light, eventually wipes it out of the horizon.
I connect to the morning star. Just like it, my life has turned into something similar...and more. Three years ago, I embarked into a series of journeys that have changed my life completely..for the best...and sometimes, just sometimes, for the worse. I had my first beautiful baby girl and at 3 months old, we left home, leaving family, friends, and everything that I hold dear. I just graduated from my Master's Degree and yet I found myself leaving the career I was passionate about. Leaving it all came easy because I was making someone I love happy. I remember blocking myself from being sentimental about it all or perhaps its thanks to the baby blues … I didn’t have room for any other emotions. It felt like I was just going on a prolonged vacation or business trip…and that I will be home soon.
Our first stop was HongKong where my Jewish husband worked for a multinational company based in Germany. We lived in Discovery Bay in Lantau Island which is so unlike typical HongKong…no traffic (it was car-less), no pollution, wide empty spaces, parks and playgrounds, flowers everywhere…mountains for trekking in less than 4 hours, a beach within walking distance. It was paradise…except for those weeks when my husband would be on a business trip and I would be left with our daughter and our dear, dear house help. I had two friends whom I saw once in 2 weeks at the most and some visits from family and friends. Aside from that, my life became more quiet and my world smaller. The change in lifestyle didn’t take its effect on me because the surroundings were so full of positive energy and beauty that it ate away any feelings of homesickness. And of course there's my darling Rachel… who is the heart of my happiness.
A year after living in HongKong, my husband was assigned to Singapore and off we went. This time, our life was back to "normal" in the sense that we lived in "normal" surroundings…cars passing by, gas stations, less people in the side walks, regular sceneries (no more breathtaking views of the sea and mountains). And it was there that I felt lonely and desperate…even when I learned I was pregnant wih my second baby boy. We had visitors almost 90 percent of our stay there and so I was able to see and explore the whole of Singapore in just a few weeks. We only stayed there for 4 months.
I was 6 months pregnant with Ben when we decided to move to Israel. It was a fast decision as there were less options. My husband has better chances of getting employment in Israel as the prospect of continuing his garments business in the Philippines was not as attractive anymore. More importantly, he wanted to go back "home" after living in Asia half of his lifetime.
So here I am, in the middle eastern state of Israel..far, far from the far east of Asia… from my beloved Philippines.
May 13, 2009