Myla Katzav

Rachel is 3 years and 5 months old and tonight, for the first time, she is not sleeping at home.  She is sleeping at her grandmother's house with her two girl cousins. 

I cannot sleep.  

When I opened the door and only found Haim and Ben, I knew she didn’t want to come home to sleep with us.  I knew, being such a sociable doll that she is and very independent, she would jump to the idea of sleeping over with her cousins without having any second thoughts. 

It breaks my heart.

I think a part of this troubling feeling is guilt.  Lately, I have been hard on her for her hard headedness; for lately being so stubborn, it sometimes blows my mind off; for giving me answers that are so adult I just don’t know how to handle it.

Lately, I have been so busy with work and household chores that I didn’t have time to sit with her and learn.  Probably also, I do not have it in me to teach.  Or my mind has been too consumed about what to prepare for lunch and dinner, making sure that their bottles are washed, that the house is clean and orderly, the laundry bag is empty, that I didn’t leave any pending tasks at work, I called this person, that company, made sure my boss' trip is ironed out to the last detail and what I wil have to do next week. 

I am afraid that I am missing an important time in my daughter's life because of too much work to do around or because consciously, I don’t have the patience for it.  I envy my husband for having the patience, energy and the time to go through each page of her workbook.  I envy that he brings them out everyday after work for a bicycle ride or a walk or to play at the park while I stay home to prepare their meal or simply to be by myself. 

I hope I'm wrong about "missing an important time in my daughter's life" thought.  I believe I am  wrong because every night, she looks for me, except tonight.  Everynight, we kiss each other good night.  Every night, she tells me "Mama, I love you" and we embrace ecah other. Everynight, she comes "home" to me. 

And if it is right that I do am missing an important part of her life, then thank God for this moment.  That it only takes one night away, a time to reflect and to realize that I need to change, that I shouldn’t let it slip away, that I should not forget…that I am a mother first.

I miss my Rachel.

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Categories: Being a full-time "IMA"

When I gave birth to Ben, I didn’t visit him at the nursery right away. I was not as excited. I had one of those weird baby blues effect wherein the mother feels like staying away from her newborn.  Thank God it only lasted overnight.  Deep inside though, I knew he felt it and yet when I finally held him, all my weird feelings disappeared because of the peace he aroused in me.

 

From that day on, Ben has become my refuge.  Whenever I feel down and a bit sad, I go to him.  He has this calming effect on me probably because we went through a lot of things together and never gave up. 

 

Ben is understanding and patient.  Every night, after I read to them, I close the light and wait for him to sleep.  He sleeps on his own with his favorite pillows around and the pacifier.  Sometimes, when I get very, very sleepy, I do not wait for him to fall asleep and leave his room.  I know that he would cry for a few seconds and then would eventually fall asleep.  Last night, I went back to his room to put on his blanket too early and caught him sitting there in the dark touching his pillows and trying to fall asleep.  My heart went out to him…my understanding Ben.  He knew not to cry because Mommy is sleeping already.  I took him and put him close to my heart until he finally fell asleep.

 

During playtime, he lets Rachel take toys from him without complaining…probably he knows he doesn’t have a chance after all. When he starts to get bored or annoyed, he would run to me and start crying. When I am busy cooking, he does it only for a few seconds and then leave quietly to look for something else to play.  He never forces himself when he sees that person is busy. 

 

After he drinks his milk from the bottle, he would always put it on the table.  Sometimes….or should I say most of the time, he would do this to Rachel’s bottle as well. He also puts back the pieces of puzzles in the box that Rachel has played on.  He also puts his shoes back to its place after use.

 

Ben is very simple…he gets his highs from just getting a smile from his big sister.  He is very, very happy when she plays with him and hugs him.  They do this more often now.  But most especially, I feel his happiness when he is in my arms. 

 

I wish I can just hold Ben close to me forever.

 

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Categories: Being a full-time "IMA"

I am going back to the grind in less than two weeks.  My babies started going to the day care a few days ago.  Changes are happening right before my eyes literally. 

 

 

They say it can be overwhelming…well not for me.  I have been praying for this for quite sometime because I feel 110% that it’s the right thing to do.  And I have been preparing my babies big time.  I talk to them a lot about this new happening in our family…about how they will need to go out there and make new friends and not just Aba, Ima and their cousins..and about how much fun they will have playing with other kids, singing, dancing and creating artworks!

 

 

Rachel was excellent going back to the Gan (that’s the Hebrew term for day care) and in fact, on our first visit with the intention to check out the place, she asked to be left behind.  She is so ready!  And I am so happy for her.  She already made friends and mostly with the little boys…ooohlala…is this an early warning sign??? Today, I see her sit among the kids to listen to stories from their teacher and it just felt so right.

 

 

Ben, oh my Benny-Benny, had a rough time the first day.  So, I called all the angels in heaven to keep an eye on him and to shower him with happy feelings.  He gets better by the day.  His cries are periodical.  I put him only for 2 hours and soon, it will have to be longer until he will be able to make it for 5 hours.

 

 

My work runs for half of the day for four days a week.  And it is exactly the kind of job I am familiar with.  English speaking clients in the US and mainly in Asia.

 

 

Looking back at the choices I made, its all about giving yourself to that moment in time wholely.  There is a time for having fun with the friends and I did that.  There is a time for loving stupidly and I did that.  There is a time for traveling without fear. There is a time for studying…a time for giving 110% to work, a time for shopping and eating out like crazy…and when motherhood comes in, I believe it is the most important role to give your whole self to without any hesitaion…to give up your worldly pleasures and just be a “Mama”.

 

High heels were exchanged for slippers and flat shoes, branded sexy clothing for comfortable day-to-day wear, grand and elaborate meal time for simple and healthy ones….movies and night-outs for bathing the kids, putting them to sleep and washing their bottles. Maasages and hours spent in the parlor for household chores.

 

Someone told me how I seem to have given it all the right way. But I believe, its just a matter of choice…a choice that you have to sit down and spend sometime to create it in your mind and ask yourself how you can make this moment the best that it can be. 

 

Now I say, look at my modern day miracles...God is always watching and I love Him!

 

 

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Categories: Being a full-time "IMA" | Le Haim en Israel (To Life in Israel)

Today I left Rachel at the day care..uhhmm..no…Rachel asked me to leave her there.  It is her first time again after being home with me for 6 months.  The staff at the day care were amazed on how easily she let go.  When we arrived at the place, she went directly to the room where the kids were, sat on floor and started playing with them like a regular. My sister-in-law told me how, even 5-year olds would still cry when its their first day in day care.

 

When I was in the Philippines for two months, I also enrolled her in a day care and she was the only one without a yaya in tow and I saw the difference.  She removed her shoes by herself, placed her bag in the shelf and went to play without inhibitions. She told me goodbye properly when I left.

 

Many people have told me how amazing Rachel is that in such a young age, she seems to understand what is going around her specially with the complexities of the adults.  As early as 2 years old, she can put her own shoes with buckles, dress herself up with pants or shorts and get into long conversations with adults.  Sometimes, when Haim and I are deep in conversation and she would say something…most of the time, we don’t give her our attention and she would tell us loudly to please listen to her because she is saying something. She can draw a face complete with eyes, nose, mouth and curly hair..just like her or a camel.  She knows how to draw circles, triangle and square and colors them within the line.  She can complete puzzles on her own…big ones and with more than 50 pieces. She helps bathe Ben and sometimes puts on his shoes.  When there are other kids around them and when a kid starts to hit Ben, she would stop them and rub his cheeks with her fingers telling him that its okay.  She knows not to make noise when Ben is sleeping and understands when she can’t have more candies or ice cream.

 

Rachel has never been a crying baby nor a clingy one. I guess its because she is confident that Aba and Ima would always be there at the end of the day.  And we talk to her a lot like we talk to adults and more  because we take pains in making her understand why its wrong to act like this or that and why her action is very good.

I think its starts with the first step.  When Rachel started to show interest in walking, we let her go.  When she started to go to the stairs, we let her go.  We do not stop her, we teach her to put one foot after the other and hold the side wall or railings when going up.  When there is a lit candle, we do not just tell her not to go near..we actually let her go near it and even touch it and when she feels uncomfortable, then she would understand that she should keep out of it.  Of course, all these come with explanations.

 

I also think that the child should be let go to explore as much as she wants.  That to keep her from doing things is actually slowing her down (which I am guilty of sometimes!).  And the parents play a very important role in getting a child to attain such independence.  For a child to be independent, the parents must show support and encouragement. The parents must be confident in what they are about to do and understand when things don’t work out.  Plus of course the patience to explain to them why this isn’t so and why that is allowed.

There are a million things I can say about her but one special moment is our time together at night when we would have our “girls’-talk”.  She would always ask me if I’m happy and I always tell her that I am. Then its my turn to ask her if she is happy and she always tells me yes. We talk about her day which she would be too lazy to say anything about..and so we would just exchange our devotion to each other.  I tell her how much I love her and she answers back in her cute soft sleepy voice “I love you Mama” and we kiss each other. Sometimes, she would rub the back of her hands on my cheeks.

 

I think that children love being with their parents but the parents need them more to live and breathe!

  

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Categories: Being a full-time "IMA"

When the almost 100 million viewers plus those who attended the show live raved and squeeled about the performances of Adam Lambert and Kris Allen at the top rating American Idol, I had no idea that there was such an event! The only time I found out about its existence was when I checked on facebook and saw strong reactions from many friends (this is quite abnormal)! So, I got very curious and skipped nap time with the kids and started to search the net for the show and...lo and behold! I found myself glued to my seat watching every performance available! And while I danced and sang myself on "mute" mode, I cant help but laugh because if someone would see me, I would look like one crazy ignoramus who just learned how to have fun!

And so it goes...my life as a full-time mother and housekeeper. I cannot count the many important events and movies that I allowed to pass by because my kids needed me..or more truthfully, i needed them! I always get to treasure these events on a delayed fashion..when the whole world has simmered down and the celebrations have ceased. But fortunately, when I talk about it to family and friends, the thrill seems as fresh as when they saw it live...or maybe they just over react for my sake!

And so I ask myself: Does my state of living now qualify me to be a loser? Maybe, maybe not..but one thing's for sure, in the eyes of my kids..I'm their IDOL!!!:)

 

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Categories: Being a full-time "IMA"

I feared potty training...because it was an addedd inconvenience for me. Perhaps when the decision to do it came, I was feeling somewhat demotivated..part of "work" really. This happens of course to every moms and it is just a very normal feeling..

Its good I had Haim who pushed and started it with or without me...or else, my daughter would have still been stuck to her diapers for a longer time.

I researched about how to potty train a child the best and fastest way...unfortunately, the best and the fastest way didnt work for me and most especially for Rachel. Well, I have to confess..it didnt work more because of my attitude towards it and not because Rachel wasnt ready...oh she was very ready! I just slowed her down with my hesitations.

There are different methods to potty train a child...you can read thousands of articles, join forums, buy the cd's and even attend seminars. But I didnt have the stength to go through any of it! So, I just picked up tips from various articles, took in some advices from forums and then I was ready. How I picked up which tips and advices to follow were those which I believed will work for my daughter and of course it must be something that I trust in.

For example, I dont believe in rewarding a child on a regular basis for work well done. I just feel that a child should not get used to getting something in return for a task expected from her. Or in contrast, to have her favorite flavored ice cream or a giant toy just because she did something right. I think that they deserve to have whatever it is their hearts desire at any moment you feel they should have it.

Dont get me wrong, I do discipline my children but this is something that should be about correcting their mistakes and not letting them repeat it. To me, a child on potty training who makes wee-wee in her panty no matter how many days or weeks or months she has been doing it in the toilet should not be scolded because she is not making a mistake. Making wee-wee in her panties is something she's done since she was born! It works to bring her to the toilet every 20 minutes and commend her everytime she goes to do it in the toilet by herself.

Oh and before, I got mad, I got irritated, I almost brought her back to the diapers....but then, I realized, I wasnt thinking well during those moments and so everytime I was on the verge of acting on my tuntrams, I stopped....its not Rachel..its me who's doing a mistake here.

Finally, it takes a lot of patience and explanation in words and actions. Now, my Rachel goes to the toilet by herself, switches on the light, opens the door, places the plastic box to step on below the toilet seat, removes her panty and pants/shorts and then does it all by herself (including wiping and flushing under my help and supervision!). Of course she still misses sometimes specially when we are out of the house and probably she gets confused or scared to do it in another toilet or when she is excited during playtime with some kids, but the whole process, when done with cool minds, works out fine in the end.

 

Tags: potty training
Categories: Being a full-time "IMA"

 

I experienced both having a yaya  or nanny taking care of my baby and doing everything myself.  Rachel had a yaya until she was 1 year and 6 months old while Ben didnt even see a shadow of one.  Instantly, as a mother, I would say it was a big surprise and an eye openner to realize that not having a yaya was the best thing that ever happened to me..and I'm sure my kids agree to that!!!

With a yaya around, your motherly instincts are not fully fired up because you know there is someone who will take charge when you don't feel ready.  And there is a build-up of jealousy and irritation when you see your child acting exactly the same way as he is with the yaya and with you. And the best part..and all moms will agree to this, is you get to witness every change, every development, every character build-up in your baby.  And he goes out to the world feeling confident because every mistake he makes, every fall and accident, is all right because you take pains in explaining it to him.

When Rachel was born, I couldn't give her a bath until she was 3 months old! She had her yaya and so I didnt push myself to try. I thought what's in a bath, really? With Ben, from the moment he arrived home, I put him in his tub and bathed him like I was doing it for a lifetime! With him, I studied, I observed , I focused...because I didnt have a fallback. And the result: amazing mommy-baby bonding! I didnt know how enjoyable it was to feel his soft skin and cleanse him.  It did me good more than him. And this is just a sample of what the whole scenario that you go through being a full-time mom.

Another important facet is your baby's meal time. With Rachel, I didnt really make an effort to learn how to make her love fruits or vegetables once she discovered chocolates and anything sweet!...a common problem among mothers.  Now I learned that if you mix freshly cut tomatoes  with white soft, spreadable cheese, they love it!!! Or to feed them with fruits everyday that it has become a staple. A freshly cut cucumber, melon or apple is immediately devoured once they feel hungry in the middle of playtime. 

Lunch and dinner calls for careful prep time.  Usually chicken soup with vegetables does it.  Mash the potatoes and carrots and serve it with a slice of soft chicken meat..and viola! you end up with empty plates.  I sometimes boil broccoli and other leafy vegetables and mix it together with the chicken soup...the taste is still there but with added nutrition.  Baked sweet potatoes topped with powdered onions and a little olive oil is a favorite.

My babies never had problems with mealtime (knock on wood..thrice!!!) Maybe because they feel no pressure and that its still bonding time with mommy. They also get to learn to feed themselves and discover the texture of the food once they're done feeling hungry!

No one will have the patience to go through this length like a mother. 

However, I also think that it all depends on the culture or situation you are in and more importantly on what you believe is best for you and your baby. Being a full-time mom is a luxury.  Nowadays, mommy needs to help daddy put food on the table.  And of course, of course, mommy needs time to grow on her own, to continue living in her world with her friends and at work.

We are not wealthy but my husband and I just feel that this arrangement is the best for our kids that is why we take great care in watching our expenses by foregoing some or all (just kidding!) of our luxuries and keeping it within our means.

Soon, I will have to go to work.  But then I would feel a sense of fulfillment that I have done and given, at that time, the best for my children.

 

Tags: with nanny, wihout nanny, baby mealtime, baby bath, full-time mom, working mom
Categories: Being a full-time "IMA"

 Before

  Put her in the tub, give her ice cream

 Shave her hair!

 

 Cool summer babe!

Tags: child, summer
Categories: Being a full-time "IMA"

 

"Ima" is the Hebrew version of mother, mommy, mama, nanay, inay.  It is my favorite name even if it is uttered by only two small individuals...Rachel and Ben.

Unbelievable as it may sound, motherhood to me is when a physical part of you is being extracted and formed into another human being...and that part of you is actually your heart.  You will never be the same again, ever. Somehow, while you were giving birth to your child, you were also being re-born and this time with new sets of traits that will level up to the many challenges awaiting you. Below is a personal experience...

Ben was only 3 months old when Haim left us for the first time on a business trip to Asia.  On the night he left, Ben was hospitalized.  He had high fever, no appetite and haven't made "poop" for more than 48 hours. With infants, this calls for immediate medical attention.

When I saw Ben being hooked up to the IV looking weak and fragile, I cried like crazy.  We were asked to wait in a corner while the doctors decided on whether to keep him for the night depending on the results of the tests. So, I had Ben in my arms and Rachel lying on my lap. At 11 pm, the doctors decided to keep Ben so I asked my mother-in-law and brother-in-law to take the sleeping Rachel with them.

Ben didnt want to sleep on the hospital crib so I held him in my arms and stayed that way the whole night.  Right after midnight, he cried and started to eat and pooped! I was the happiest person! I didnt sleep that night.  I just wanted to hold him and feel him in peace.

The following day, we got our release order and by the middle of the afternoon, Ben and I were home. So it was just the three of us 24/7 for a week. 

A few days after, Rachel had an accident.  Our shoe cabinet, which is more than twice her height and her weight, fell on her.  The moment I heard a loud thud on the floor, I ran to her.  In a few seconds, I lifted the cabinet with my left hand while my right hand hauled her into my arms.  It takes two people to move this cabinet!

As pitiful as it may sound, my experience above is far from that.  It has proven a mother's inner strength...that when it comes to her children..the heart of her life, nothing and no one is unbeatable!

 

Tags: ima, mother
Categories: Being a full-time "IMA"

I was experiencing slight bleeding or spotting two days before Ben was born and yet, I still requested Haim to drive us to Jerusalem the following day.  I wanted to pray at the Wailing Wall.  We reached Jerusalem but I didnt make it to the steps going down the wall.  I had some spotting again and just opted to sit in one of the coffee shops overlooking the area and said my prayer there.  By midnight, we went to the hospital as my contractions got regular and stronger. 

I delivered in the public hospital very near our house.  In Israel, only public hospitals have the equipment and facilities to treat complications.  So even if you are booked in a private hospital, when a complication arises, you need to be moved to the public one. So, we opted for the public hospital. The delivery area is divided by small labor/delivery rooms so I would hear screams and cries from mothers in labor and delivery who chose to do it the natural way (no epidural!) It was kinda traumatic to be hearing this when you are experiencing one of the most discomforting events of your life.  Ben was delivered 11 hours after.  It was a HARD labor because the epidural didnt take effect in all parts of my stomach.  I could literally feel my tears sprinkling to my glasses!

But as soon as Ben was brought to me, everything felt wonderful!  Finally, I had my Ben in my arms..and my family is complete! 

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Categories: Being a full-time "IMA"